I am diabetes free! :)

I went in for my BIG test yesterday. Hadn’t had anything to eat but a small protein-packed dinner from the previous evening and I was starving. My appointment was at 8:30am but due to all kinds of problems with traffic including a broken traffic light I was about 20+ minutes late and stressing. Luckily it was no big deal. I of course prayed before everything started. I was called in and the fasting blood sample was drawn. Then I was given a waiting room to sit in to wait for blood draws every hour.

I spent the time telling little baby number 2 that we gotta be a team and work that sugar off. I had blood draws every 7th minute of the hour. The nurse would come and take my blood and leave. I joked that she was like a mosquito. DH came to visit me right before my blood draw at 11:07. I was stressing that he won’t make it and it sure looked like he wouldn’t, but the nurse was running a little late. He called me to say that he’s hitting light after light and probably won’t be in before the blood draw and so he wished me luck. I kept looking at the clock and soon there was a knock on the door. I figured it was the nurse, but I openned it up and it was DH – literally seconds before my blood was drawn! I saw that as a good sign. I was so scared of this test and the chance that I would fail it but after DH came in just in time, it was as if I saw it as a good luck sign.

Well, today I got a call at about 1:30pm. The nurse happily tols me that my results came back with great numbers!!!! All the numbers looked good and were within normal range. I cannot describe the relief and the gratitude and the happiness I felt right then. It made my day!

There is so much going on, so much stress, so much to do – I am certainly not getting enough sleep in the least. And I do feel that this is definitely the 3rd trimester. I am beginning to feel more heavy and tired. Baby’s movements feel HUGE right now. Turning over during sleep is less comfortable. Sometimes I feel like this baby is literally on the brink of being here. And with everything going on, time sure does fly. But one day at a time. I will never forget to be grateful for the things I am blessed with. Passing the big test today is an example of that.

Failing the Glucose Screening and more…

On Tuesday morning I had my regular doctor’s appointment together with the glucose screening. The appointment itself went OK, other than that my blood pressure was originally sky high – as I expected it would be from being nervous about the glucose test. Or maybe it was from practically doing jumping jacks in the bathroom to burn off some excess sugar. Luckily, a second reading a little bit later (after trying to get a little bit more Zen) was more normal – 128/70.

I had diligently taken in the orange flavored sugar drink 45 minutes prior to the appointment and finished it at 9:15am. So I had my blood draw at 10:15, right after the usual pleasure of listening to the baby’s heartbeat.

I was also given the swine flu shot – which they luckily had just gotten in the office. AND they sent me to another place that they had heard had the regular flu shot. So talk about having a needle filled day.
But I guess nothing comparing to what I will face next week. Unfortunately today at 10am, they called me with the news I was hoping not to receive, even though I knew it was a slim shot. My levels came back high. My 175 didn’t quite make the under 140 mark, so its off to the glucose challenge test for me again. And this time, I am somehow really dreading that I will have the condition – maybe because I know I am heavier (20 whole pounds!) than last time and am so high risk anyway with diabetes in my family.

I was told I can come in between Tuesday and Friday of next week, so I chose Tuesday – might as well get the test done sooner. And I’m just going to pray that I pass it the way I did last time.

I absolutely cannot believe that I did not seem to record anywhere what my levels came back for the screening test the last time. I suspect it was a little lower than 175 – like maybe 169 or something. But I have no idea! I actually never wrote it down – not that I can find anyway. Somehow it would have been comforting to look at that number right now to compare somehow. I guess I will just have to call the office and get it on Monday.

In the mean time, I decided enough is enough and I really need to start making myself a priority with more healthy eating habits and a daily workout. My life right now is crazy. So I am on the severe backburner all the time. The last thing I seem to have time for is the gym. So today I made it out to the gym and worked out for 25 minutes. And I’ll just have to make time no matter what. I am kicking myself a little for practically going my entire 2nd trimester without any exercise. I just SHOULD have made this a priority – isn’t my and the baby’s health the top priority right now no matter what? But crazy as it is, when you are hit with a million things going on and a toddler, somehow going to the gym just falls off the radar. I am getting about 6 hours sleep a day – and am busy from dusk till dawn without a moment to spare, and I still can’t squeeze everything I need to into my day. Unexpected things constantly crop up. Things take longer than I want. Its just a crazy life and that’s that. And I realize it won’t get any easier once my little newborn is here, which is why I panick and keep cramming more and more to do now, while I still (sort of) can. When I realize how little time is left, it is a little scary. I actually can’t believe I am about to enter the third trimester this Sunday (27 weeks). How did THAT happen!??! It really does feel like it is on the brink – and with the holidays and a million other things right in between, it feels like there’s no time at all.

Well, I will just keep doing what I do – taking a deep breath and dealing with it one day out of time, hopefully I will manage to knock out everything that needs to be squared off before the baby comes and the million other things too. Oh and yeah – a daily work out. Because I think I have realized that I simply have to start putting the health of this pregnancy at a much greater priority than I have been.

I’m praying that I pass the glucose challenge test next week!

3 Years Ago…

So today is a very special day. Three years ago today exactly, my DD AND the baby I carry now, were conceived! Its a little mindboggling when I think about it that way, that both my children were conceived on this day 3 years ago together. One is already here and this vibrant 2 year old that I am so in love with. The other is on the way and growing inside me daily, already having such a presence, and already such a huge part of my life. And it is amazing to me that they share this day together, like a bond. What a truly amazing day it was. I remember so clearly posting here on this blog on that day, so full of emotion and in so much awe of the days’ events, and so hopeful. I was hopeful, and yet even then little did I imagine what a blessed day it was – that it was the day not only my so long awaited child would be conceived, but her sibling that is now on the way too…

I am thinking and remembering this day today, and I want to do something memorable to remember it. I am thinking about getting some pregnancy pictures done today as a family – it would mean a lot to me to know that they were done specifically today. It is truly a one of a kind event to think about the significance of 3 years ago, while looking at your child and being pregnant with the next. Will I ever be pregnant again on this day? Only God knows. We knew we would definitely try for two children, but the future other than that is unknown.

But for now, I won’t think about that, and just savor each moment today and remember what a blessed and miraculous day this is in my life.

100 Days to Go!

I keep this pregnancy application on my phone that has been fun to keep track of – it tells me the days to go, shows a picture of the baby, gives weekly information and so on. Today I glanced at it and realized that it is exactly 100 days to my due date! So today starts the official 100 day count-down. And if this baby is going to come a little earlier than the due date, as I predict, that is even fewer days!

In other terms, that’s about 14 weeks to go. 14 weekends remaining to get everything ready, which are also jam packed with the holidays and all kinds of events and things to the point where I am literally wondering how it will all fit in! And yet this baby is coming ready or not, and I am doing everything I can to take the time to appreciate this pregnancy, no matter what!

I now feel very distinct movements, like when the baby is awake and changing positions. I am also finding it a lot harder to get comfortable sleeping, and I still like to pretend I am sleeping on my tummy, even though I realize I am not. In fact, now at 6 months plus pregnant, it is pretty obvious that I am. I have gained about 26 pounds. Not at all the number I had hoped for, but at least in the last 4 weeks it has only been 2 pounds. I am hoping this number sticks around and doesn’t go higher for my next appointment next week, which also happens to be the dreaded glucose test. Since I am at high risk, I am pretty apprehensive of it. I failed the first test when pregnant with DD, but thankfully passed the second. I guess we’ll see this time around what is in store for me. I am of course praying to avoid it.

Life with a toddler, does not allow much time to “baby” your pregnancy though. I am lifting, chasing, pretty much doing everything I would be doing as a mother of an active toddler, pregnant or not. I laugh sometimes when I hold her in my arms before bedtime, and the new little one inside my tummy starts to kick her. She doesn’t mind though. In fact she nods very seriously when I tell her there is a baby inside mommy’s tummy, like she definitely is aware of that. She changes her mind daily as to whether she would prefer a baby brother or baby sister. Not that I think she knows what the difference really is. I guess its gonna be one or the other one way or another

Yesterday, I went shopping  at a Baby store and bought something for her as well as for the new little one. That’s a first. I bought some pants for her, and a pair of beige white soft warm pants (with feet) for the baby in the making as well. She was a summer baby, but this will be a winter baby. It hit me, I don’t really have any warm newborn clothes!

I’d like to say we’re in full swing of getting ready, but really we’re not. Not yet. A ton remains to be done. I guess we now have 100 days (less in reality) to do it. I hope that between now and my next update a few solid things will be knocked out that I will feel good about. That, and even more importantly, that I will do good on the glucose test and pregnancy will continue to be uneventful.

Life, and this pregnancy is rolling on. One hundred days more to go!

24 weeks!

Today is a milestone cause 24 weeks is usually the time the baby can survive on their own if born. It still seems so far away from delivery so I sure hope not! But being in the hospital this week made me realize that of course anything unpredictable can happen when you least expect.

I am praying that I sail through this pregnancy without any major issues developing. So far so good, but the fact that I am even heavier this time around (by 20lbs or so) is concerning, plus older, plus I had higher blood pressure before pregnancy and so on. But just praying. Next up is the diabetes test scheduled during my checkup on Nov 10th. My ob advised me to just be healthy anyway – exercise, healthy food etc. But I really haven’t been. Its been too crazy busy to carve out time for anything in terms of any kind of official exercise time and so I am just hoping that running around with my toddler helps. Toddler btw has transformed into a little challenging monster overnight. I cannot count the number of times I’ve thought, oh boy. If I had gone through with that FET in february and had my baaby right about NOW – will I have had a hard time! At 18 months DD was an angel – not so much right now.

Baby nu,ber 2 in the mean time is a lot of fun – I had a precious time last night pressing on my tummy and baby responding back with a kick each time pregnancy really is a wondrous time in a womans life and the only REAL time we ever multi-task. It is mind boggling to me that I am doing all these things from making decisions to working to keeping up with a toddler and all the while not even for a minute does my brain neglect my baby’s needs. If only the other part of my brain was this amazing and tireless and efficient! I had a thought the other day while driving, do men have this part in the brain too? The part that controls pregnancy? Like what would happen if you transplaanted a man’s brain into the woman’s body? I wonder.

But brains aside, God is truly amazing in how He creates human beings. Even knowing all the biology of it and the amazing journey we’ve had still doesn’t make it less mind-boggling!

Posting from Labor and Delivery

Ok, first things first – nothing to panick about – I am here for monitoring cause I slipped on a wet floor and fell, at my doctors office of all places. It was a really minor fall and if this had happened elsewhere I would not have been here, I don’t think – but they freaked a little and didn’t want to take chances so here I am. It took forever to get me hooked up to the monitors – first it was the tons of paperwork, and then it was equipment mulfunction. By then I could have told them I had done enough monitoring on my own and that judging from all the healthy kicking and movements baby is just fine. But of course they won’t just take my word for it.

Today was the day of my routine 20-something week sonogram, which is why I was at my doctors office. I was there with DH and also had DD with me this time. I figured if hopefully nothing goes wrong this might be the last chance to see my new little one before birth. So I wanted DD to have at least had this experience. Of course its hard enough for an adult to fathom the miracle of what’s happening, what more a toddler. She immediately lifted her shirt and wanted to be “sonogramed” too.
Baby is doing perfect, measuring right on track, 1lb 4 oz, heartrate of 150 and in breech position for now. Unfortunately baby was facing my back and it was real hard to get a good picture. The monitor wasn’t showing great quality either it seems I got better photos from my 16 week scan. But mainly I am happy that all is well. It was also so trippy to see movement on the screen and to aactually feel it at the same time! Right now as I am typing this, baby is actively trying to kick the monitoring device off my tummy – so funny. I actually just saw the movement – which makes it the first time for tthis baby

Hopefully it will not be too much longer and I’ll get to go home. Its actually trippy to be here again. We got to walk into the room where DD was born for the first time since birth. Amazing to think that I am going to be back here… in about 16 or so weeks to be meeting my new little one!

22 Weeks – pregnancy is flying…

I had meant to post an update on the half way point, and before I knew it, it has been two weeks since then. Shows you how much time is just flying. I am 22 weeks today, and decided to make an update first thing in the morning before another 2 weeks fly by.

How am I doing? Well, so far so good. Purely with regards to pregnancy, things are coasting so far, although I am definitely paranoid about developing any complications down the line. Just because my first pregnancy was textbook and uneventful doesn’t mean I have come to expect thing kind of blessing each time.
Where it comes to the emotional side of pregnancy, a good way to say it is that I am feeling very robbed of really being able to appreciate this miracle with the attention and wonder it deserves. My life is packed busy, and lots of times, I mourn the fact that I am unable to just sit there and stare at my tummy with a loving gaze and dream about the baby – instead I am just horrified at how quickly the time is flying and how quickly it is running out. I try as much as I can to devote time to just “enjoy every minute”, but the truth is, every minute of mine is in high demand with 500 million things on my plate, and one toddler. I feel sad because chances are I may never be pregnant again. And this is my 2nd trimester – the best of them all typically – I SHOULD be spending time appreciating this moment every second that I have.

Well, so here I am writing to make sure I do that. I do have to say that no matter how busy I am, I don’t forget to think about this blessing. Even if I dont have too much time to stop and just obsess over it, I do always know in the back of my mind what a precious blessing this is. And for that reason, I try to ignore the fact that I have gained way more than I had wanted so far – about 20 lbs. I know I will have serious work to get my body back once the baby comes. Unfortunately, there has not been any time to exercise. I often lament that if pregnancy was ALL I had on my plate, I would certainly incorporate that into my life. As it turns out, unfortunately, it is one of the first things to fly out the window with everything else that needs to fit into the day.

So far though the baby seems to be doing great and is healthy Yesterday, I lay in bed at night and enjoyed a wonderful session of kicking. I got DH to put his hand on my tummy and at first (of course) the baby quitetened down immediately. But when we gave up waiting and DH took his hand away, soon enough the action started back up. So I got DH to put his hand back and sure enough he felt 3 solid kicks one after another. It truly is amazing that there is a baby in there – in a way, it hasn’t really hit me!
I am trying to prepare – or at least have a game plan of how/when to prepare for the big arrival – there is certainly fewer things to do than the first time around, but they are there none-the-less. WIth the crazy holiday season coming up right smack in the middle of things, I don’t want to wait until it is too far into it.
I have a doctors appointment last week and somewhere around there potentially my last ultrasound for this pregnancy (barring anything going wrong). It seems that we have solidly decided to go all the way and find out the gender at birth. At times I wonder if I should do it differently this time – just to try out both ways. But I also fear wishing I had waited till birth for the big surprise – I have to admit, the first time around, this was such a special moment that I cannot imagine anything more perfect. And after all, after the baby is born, I will know the gender the rest of my life. Most people find out, and they all gasp saying how on earth will I “prepare” without knowing. truthfully, that matters the least to me – not that much preparation for the second one, sicne we already have everything – and in gender neutral colors too, since we didn’t find out the first time either. Diapers are unisex the last time I checked. What else is there? Truthfully, within a few minutes that we found out that DD is a girl we were buried in pink anyway. Whatever our new little one is going to be isn’t going to mean that they will be denied any gender specific stuff.

The harder part is having to come up with two names (we’re pretty solid on a girl so far, but still struggling with a boy’s name) and also it seems that it would be nice to refer to the baby as he or she, and speak with a concrete gender when talking to our toddler about her new sibling on the way. In perspective though, it doesn’t matter - I don’t think she is gonna totally get the concept (hey, its hard enough for adults) until the baby is really here. And the terms “brother”, or “sister” do not mean much to her either. The word “baby” is about the closest she comes to truly understanding what is being talked about. So maybe I should drop my slight undecisiveness and just enjoy every minute of waiting for the big surprise. DH is solid – he definitely wants to wait for the big day.

Well, wish me luck. Hopefully I will start updating more frequently, even if they are small posts, and doing better at making time to enjoy this wonderful period of the making of our new baby.

Baby kicks and more…..

The last time I wrote, I seriously didn’t think it will be this long before I would post again. There were thousands of things I *planned* to write about – like about how I got obsessed with the “nub theory” (way to find out gender early) since I suddenly realized I ended up with a “nub” sonogram photo from my optional end of trimester screening. It wasn’t that I wanted to KNOW the gender, but rather I wanted to convince myself that I hadn’t found out accidentally – cause I was so concerned that day that the surprise might have been ruined. Anyway, all sounds silly now. But I had wanted to write about it, for the reason that learning about the whole nub theory ended up to be quite fascinating! And I couldn’t believe that I had gone through an entire pregnancy without knowing of such a thing. When there are actually entire forums of people sharing “nub” pictures and guessing (accurately too!) the baby’s gender at 12 weeks or earlier! And apparently, this is who experienced sonographers are able to know that early in the game as well.

Anyway – HAD wanted to write about all of that. That was over a month ago. LIfe just got busy and in fact, its not getting any lighter. I won’t bore any blog readers with all the details going on since, with more than a month’s worth of catching up to do, this would make this post long enough to put even the most devoted reader to sleep.

I’ll stick to the current and most relevant updates.
Which are…

I’m doing ok and am now at 17+ weeks.
I had a doctors appointment today and actually a follow-up screening (for the optional screening) on Tuesday, so got to enjoy another sonogram and gasp at the details of the baby’s movements
We still chose to not find out gender.
The most common comment I hear when people ask and I say we have chosen to keep it a surprise is “oh, I could never do that”.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have done it differently this time and found out. But the surprise the first time around, was SO worth it. I loved it… and I figure I will have the rest of my life to know what this baby’s gender is. Why rush, when I can just bask in the surprise now.
To be honest, its not like I have too much time to even think about whether I want to find out or not. I think the biggest thing worrying me about this pregnancy (other than my colossal weight gain which I had hoped SO much to avoid) is how little TIME there is to truly enjoy a second pregnancy. In a way, it makes me sad. I feel like it is just flying by and I should be savoring every minute. Who knows, this may very likely be my last one. Why am I not spending each day, basking in it and appreciating every single second.
But with a toddler, and with crazy life as it is right now, it is very hard. Sometimes, the pregnancy still feels very surreal. Especially now that the worst of the nausea has abated (thank GOD!!!) all I seem to feel is that I’m this fat person who is supposedly pregnant. It doesn’t really sink in.
However the baby kicked me today. It was a without a doubt kick. I have felt movements before, where I realized it was the baby, but the feeling was not strong enough to not have that “without a doubt” feeling. Not today. Today, it was 100% baby. And for that one moment, I just sat down on the couch for a second and tried to stop the world and say I’m going to feel this and enjoy this – for once. I’m going to shove everything else aside, no matter how much it is burning, and just enjoy this moment. Because it is precious and one day it will be gone forever. And I will look back and ask myself how did I let it all go by and be so busy that I couldn’t stop for a second and realize how special this time is.

So next, I decided to write on here too.
I have been making little notes about my pregnancy in my diary – mainly noting weight gain and such, but not NEAR as much as I’d done the first time around. Its very sad to me, but like I said, for the most part it has been truly crazy lack of time and a toddler who is getting really terrible-twoish and keeps me busy around the clock – the time of that clock where the first time around I’d had time to sit down and bask in pregnancy that is.

I just wanted to take a minute right now though to just write it all down, and to say I am thankful. I wish there was more time, but if there isn’t going to be any, then I will simply have to make it happen and not just let it all go by without appreciating this miracle.

Nothing is perfect – life certainly isn’t. I can list a million things right now that I am wishing were a little different in my life. Just one, out of these million would be that I wish I didn’t weigh as much as I did and I wish I wasn’t gaining this much weight, when I had so much to begin with. It feels so unfair.
But I will try not to forget my blessings, amidst all the things that I haven’t been as “blessed” with.
It is my greatest hope of course, that everything will continue smoothly – that I will not develop any complications (a big fear for me this time around for some reason) and that this baby will be born healthy and full term and that I will hopefully be healthy too.
Nothing else really matters.

I miss my blogging. And I sure hope that the next time I update, will not be long from now…

My sonogram today and a long overdue Update :)

Its me!

I’m still here and I’m almost 12 weeks pregnant today, and here for a long overdue post.
I know I kind of vanished, and part of that is because sometimes I feel a little torn. The blog has kind of been about TTC for women out there who are having a hard time to find someone else who goes through what they do and realize they are not alone and all of that and to hopefully read a success story to encourage them and give them new hope.  Once its final that I’m pregnant, would they want to come here and read about me gushing over pregnancy or worse, complaining about it? For this reason partly,  the first time around, I made few updates after the daily details of my cycle from start to finish. And pretty much came back again to start over once I was about to attack a FET.

Today though, I am here to say that pregnancy is a journey too. Its not like once that BFP happens you swallow that happily ever after pill and that’s the end of it all. In a way, its really only the beginning. The worries, ups and downs, highs and lows, continue and don’t ever stop really, for as long as you live.

So, I truly have meant to update sooner and share what’s been up lately in my life.
The good news is that so far so good – we just had our optional end of trimester screening today and saw the baby – doing really great, measuring 2 inches crown to rump, and 3 inches in height and with a healthy heartbeat of 173. We have decided not to find out what we are having so far, so it was in a way really hard to be in that moment and not to just jump and ask what the baby is, especially after the technician was done with her part and was leaving and I asked if it was too early to tell and she said that it usually is, but that she could see the gender today.  When we left I had thoughts about calling and asking them what it is after all, or asking them to put it in an envelope in case I’m DYING to find out tomorrow. But after a little while I was happy to still keep it a surprise. If we absolutely change our minds, there will be a more determining time at 16 weeks so its not like we won’t have another chance if we totally change our minds. But somehow right now, with 6 months to go, I think I can wait a while. It was afterall, such a special and unforgettable moment when DD was born and we found out she was a little girl for the first time. I can honestly say its worth the wait.

So so far, we dont know. Frankly I know that it is so early, that it would only be a guess at this point, and the doctor said so as well. More importantly he said that from everything he was looking at, and all the measurements he was taking, everything looked good and was measuring right on track. We would know our official results after the blood test, but so far so good.

A perk of having doing a FET – your age is frozen at the time of the baby’s conception. Mind boggling really, but for genetic screening tests like this, its great. Since risks go up with age, but with a FET, your embryo’s age counts at the age you were at the time of conception.

It was definitely a special day, and I have to say, I truly want to spend more time thinking and bonding with this new little child of mine growing in me. It is pretty hard with a toddler and terrible nausea. I have really had it bad. And I’m not even gonna talk about my weight. I didn’t want to gain any weight my first trimester, but have probably gained 10lbs so far I have a doctor’s appt next week and don’t want to weight myself.  Its all definitely had its hard parts to it. Nausea has been a lot worse than the first time, but thankfully has been a slight bit better these last few days.

I’m going to try to update more regularly. It is definitely very different than from the first time around. I think the first time, I had all the time to focus on the pregnancy and dream about this surreal baby I was going to have, while this time, I have had to spend a lot of time on my first little one, because she too is growing and developing daily and somehow the pregnancy seems to be just something that’s happening on the side and not the center of attention. That’s the best way to describe it. Combined with terrible nausea and overwhelming fatigue, its kind of hard!
I kind of feel like its all going to fly and I’m not gonna get to really realize it is happening. But that’s why I will gonna start updating more!

A month post-transfer…

Today is exactly a month since I got reunited with my embie.
Today is also the day I got my final call from my Re office, telling me that my progesterone came back at 25.4 and that I should quit the progesterone suppositories at this point and just follow up with my Ob from here, and they are all done with me.

I don’t know why it is always so dreaded to go to the RE, and yet so sentimentally sad to part ways. A happy ending means we SHOULD part ways, and yet its somehow hard. It was the first time and it is now.

Maybe I’ll feel different after a while. Afterall, going back to the RE to consult about starting with number 2 was still depressing somehow. It was like that office reminded me of the hard road with #1. But parting with them is hard again. I don’t know why it works that way.

So I’m off to my ob, and have made my first appt for this Thursday. We’ll see how it goes.

Otherwise, I am barely surviving these days with the horrible nausea that does not abate for a second. Saying it is awful does not even begin to describe it. I just survive, one day at a time.