Day 39 (cycle day 11) – Halloween!

Today is not about stimming – its about CANDY! Somehow we managed to get the shots in, in between the doorbell ringing of trick-or-treaters! Yup, we’ve become a lightening fast team. Scary! (Almost as scary as Halloween!)

Since we have been using my very first cartridge with 900 units of Follistim, at 300 a day today was “supposedly” the last day to use it. However, we learned that these cartriges are overloaded, so there’s actually a bit of meds left in there. As a result, I’m thinking about attempting two Follistim shots tomorrow, in order to use up the bit left in the cartrige. We’ll see how that goes.

It also hit me today that Thanksgiving this year is on the 23rd!! For some reason I thought it was the 30th – silly me! THis means that I will likely be finding out my beta right around thanksgiving – which will likely mean that I will be delayed another 4 days since the office will be closed for holidays. How will I survive??

Well.. by trying not to jump the gun and worrying about tomorrow’s problems I suppose.

I got called today by a fellow IVFer who wished me a Happy Halloween. How sweet. We’re in the same IVF program but different docs. I’m a little ahead with starting stims already so was happy to tell her that there’s nothing to be scared of.

So far so good. Happy Halloween!

Day 38 (cycle day 10) – hot flashes

Second day of stimming was pulled off, no sweat.

It blows my mind that here I am injecting 300 units of FSH into my body when I make only about 6-7 myself. You’d think I’d be exploding with eggs.

So naturally I’m watching out for side effects.

So far? Hot flashes have really been bad at night. I keep waking up cause of them. Also a crazy tiredness. I KNOW this is not the regular me.

I also feel slightly out of it and its hard to focus on any kind of super-brainy stuff. But maybe that IS me….

Who knows. And who cares… as long as I’m growing eggies, right?

Day 37 (cycle day 9) – Stimming Starts!

I must admit I was a little nervous before my first shot. Lupron I’m used to – its become a standard part of my day. But what was this new thing gonna feel like?

Luckily DH took care of everything. He watched the video again and assured me he’s got it down and I don’t have a thing to worry about. All I need to do it ice my spot of choice and not even look.

I trusted him to do it right and didnt even glance down. The needle went in very quickly, and I heard that clicking sound from the Follistim pen as he administered the medication. Then it was over.

I had to ice another side for my usual Lupron.

After two shots I must admit it felt a bit like much. Not that the shots were painful in the least – just that I felt pretty drugged up. My tummy had that brief sensation of feeling numbed up, like at the dentists.

But there it was – my first stim shot!! Hopefully one of ten or less and then I will have all my eggies ready.

Its a little mind boggling to me what I have to go through, just to make maybe 10 eggs in this one month. While DH does not have to do a thing and can produce 100 million sperm every day! How unfair.

But who cares right now. I’m stimming!!

Day 36 (cycle day 8) – Last Lupron Day!

Ok, technically this was the last lupron day PRIOR to stims.

I will actually be continuing my lupron shot in the exact same dosage all the way to retrieval. I guess I’ll be way used to this injection. Hey, I might even miss it. But today was my last pre-stim day.

I took my 16th lupron shot, no problem. Has anyone wondered how all those shots fit into that TINY little bottle? I would have thought it is enough for just one shot, but apparently it is enough for all 16 days AND all the stim days ahead. Wow.

Today, I didn’t think about IVF or upcoming stims much. Why not just relax and enjoy my day for a change. We had a Halloween party to go to tonite and we had a blast. I’m so glad I had accepted the invite – cause back when it was sent out I was concerned that I might be on the brink of retrieval by now! Ha! As it turns out I haven’t even started stimming yet.
Oh well – all’s well that ends well. The ending is the most important thing.

And today, what ends is my Lupron phase.

Day 35 (cycle day 7) – baseline ultrasound.

The one thing I like about ultrasounds is that at least you know the results right away. No dreaded phone calls and starting at the phone the rest of your afternoon.The objective of today’s appointment was to ensure that there were no cysts and to measure my uterus for transfer. For me of course, what I wanted to know was my antral follicle count.

I was surprised that this was not part of what they were looking for today. I guess they figured they had that count from the past? Still, I did ask the ultrasound tech to count them.

This was my very first u/s appointment where DH was with me. He was there to ask any remaining questions about the next set of injections. So he got to see the ultrasound as a bonus. I could tell he was a little frustrated. At a base day ultrasound there isn’t really much to see. All he could see was a rolling image of mush. Not even an egg to focus on.

I was thrilled when the ultrasound tech announced that he could see 9 antrals in my left ovary. Nine for me is good. He saw 7 in the right one, so I figured with a total count of 16 I should be good to start, and hopefully have a good chance.

The nurse discussed the plan with us after the u/s. So I am to begin on Sunday with Follistim and take 300 units of it daily for 4 days after which point I will be back for u/s and bloodwork. She told me to schedule out appointments for all the days she had indicated on the calendar – that I may not need all of those, but it would be good to have them scheduled in case I do. Basically for the first 4 days I just do the shots and then its monitoring almost daily.

I had my list of questions to ask.

So the first one – with the daylight savings time change, that really didn’t matter. I should just try to get the shots in between 7 and 9.

Exercising in this time? Perfectly OK. She said all restrictions begin after retrieval.

I asked whether me starting my stims on Sunday will be better for my progesterone level, and I got a very interesting response. She looked at my chart and said my lab was perfectly normal. The reason I’m starting on Sunday is that they have too many patients starting on Saturday!!! So they broke them up into two batches so that not everyone is on the same day. Great! Why did I have to be in the “Sunday batch”. Grrrrrr. Figures I’d fall into the group I would not have preferred to be in.

My husband asked about administering the progesterone shots. She told him they would be just like the hcg one, and that they’ll talk about it as the time draws near. She also showed us once again how to pinch my skin for the shots in the tummy. I didn’t know this but you are supposed to pinch, get the needle in and let go. I was pinching the whole way until the shot was done!

I looked down my list of questions and realized I had asked them all. So this was it! Next time I’d see them will be next thursday at which point things will start to get really interesting…

All the final payments were due to the doctor today too. Wow.. we’re really doing this.

Day 34 (cycle day 6) – Baseline Bloodwork Results.

What an eventful day!This morning we went to get my blood taken. It was relatively quick and we were barely there long enough to ask all our questions. But we figured that’s OK, since we are back tomorrow for the u/s anyway and will be able to ask then.

The nurse said that the plan is for me to have the u/s tomorrow and then start stims on Sat if all is good. She said they would check my blood and will call me ONLY if something’s amiss and isn’t right and plans need to be changed. But she said that the fact that I have bled is a good sign and that everything is normal and she does not expect to call me at all.

In the afternoon I eyed the phone suspiciously several times, but around 3pm I breathed a sigh of relief, since there was no call and I know that they usually get back to patients by that time.

I sighed too soon. Three seconds later the phone was ringing.

I was like “NO way!”. I hope this doesn’t set the tone of the cycle with all the constant curveballs.

The news was that my progesterone came back a little high at 1.6. The nurse said that the doc says it will still be OK to start stimming but they want to push my start date to Sunday now. I will still come in for my u/s tomorrow as scheduled.

OK, I guess one day delay I can live with. Although its nutty how much this has been pushed from the day I had originally expected. Heck, I thought we’d possibly be doing the RETRIEVAL on the 29th originally!! I can’t believe that this would mean I was on Lupron for a total of 16 days before starting stims! And I had thought it would be about 8 – ha. I sure hope there aren’t any more delays and that things flow smooth from here on. Overall, I realize that todays’ news was not TOO big of a deal – at this stage there isn’t that much that could go too drastically wrong, but the more the cycle progresses the more of a cliff-hanger it becomes. I sure hope that this is the last of the dissappointments.

Later in the day I went for the orientation at the IVF lab again to turn in my paperwork. Boy was I glad I went to it a second time – there was so much we had missed when we came in late that first time!!

It was a full house again and packed with IVFers. Also it was a completely different team this time – different embryologist and nurse.

They talked about the state of the art security system at the lab and about their strict procedures to ensure that the safety and the identification of the embryos is never compromised. I was impressed. They showed photos of the lab, the ER/ET procedure and went step by step through the whole process. They also talked about the embryos a lot and showed pictures of different cases and scenarios so that you would know exactly what they are talking about when they call you with information. As an example they showed photos of immature eggs and explained why they don’t fertilize. They also showed photos of eggs that weren’t fertilized properly. They explained the grading system of blasts and embies and showed examples. They also talked about multiples, the risks involved and explained why they always aim for one baby. The nurse of course, went over her presentation on what to expect on the day of ER and ET, how to prepare and how the day would go.

Overall, I was pretty happy I went the second time. The information kind of settled in. I think I enjoyed it better than the first time and got a lot more out of it.

Back home, I did a little research on P4 levels. I read that they need to be less than 1.5 in the follicular phase of the cycle and that some studies have shown that higher levels could be linked to diminishing ovarian reserve. Oh, the panic. Why do I even read those things?

I decided in the end to stop looking into it this much. It is good to be informed and know what is going on with your body but there is definitely a case of looking into it TOO much. I mean I’m already doing IVF this cycle so what more can I do, right?

I had thought about asking on my next appt what my FSH level was this time, but have since thought better of it. Ignorance is bliss and if I find out that it has sky-rocketed since my previous reading it will only worry me. As it is, I’m already doing an IVF cycle, so there’s no more that I can do. I figure instead, if I am hopefully successful, I’ll ask them in hindsight what it was, to keep for my records. But not going to worry myself now.

All in all, an eventful IVF day. And tomorrow I get to count the antral candidates! I sure hope there’s a lot of them…. and if there’s less than I would hope… well, not gonna think it right now. One day at a time.

Day 33 (cycle day 5) – something for me.

How best to spend the day before I go in for suppression check? I decided a lunch time pedicure and manicure and some relaxation at the salon might do me good. That, and the fact that my nails look like the kind that are ready for Halloween to frighten kids with.

I can’t believe that final pre-suppression lupron shot day is here.
I celebrated with a wonderful time at the salon and threw in an eyebrow wax. Anything to relax is GOOD.

Day 32 (cycle day 4) – Bitter and grateful.

Today was a complete contrast with yesterday – the needle went in so smoothly I didn’t even feel it!

DH is coming out with this new theory – he has noticed that when we get the shot done right after I exercise, we always have a hard time, and I seem to have an iron skin. No exercise and its smooth as butter and the needle goes right in. Could that be a coincidence? I wonder…

In other news I called RE’s office again today to clarify whether I will be starting stims on Friday should all be clear. I was told it may be Saturday – all depends. Oh well, I give up – not gonna think about it anymore. I just can’t plan it all… sometimes I gotta let go.

Was also a major pig today. Met DH for lunch and ate such a big lunch it was sickening. So much for being all good and losing a ton of weight this week – oink! I probably gained everything I lost today alone. And I don’t care to verify that, thank you very much.

In fact I am just trying to push out negative thoughts and focus on the feel-good positive ones. Like driving home, I couldn’t help but have my mind drift onto the fact that an aquaintance of mine is currently pregnant and I keep hearing all about her pregnancy almost daily. It sux that she started trying when I should have had a baby already and now is happily on her way with me left behind. Plus she has this small crowd of friends around her and I can’t help but feel some kind of a sadness that if I ever get there, it will be old news and they won’t care as much, just having gone through all those stages with her. Silly I know, but why does it make me sad? I guess because inwardly I feel that my own baby should have already been here. And especially the one I lost.

But on that note, I try to push those thoughts away and not dwell on them too long. What’s the point? Some things only hurt you and there’s no way of feeling good about them. So there’s only a certain amount of time you want to devote dwelling on them. After all, there’s so many good thoughts you could choose to think instead. Like for example – I’m infinately grateful that I live in a day and age where there IS ivf technology that can help take people like me out of misery hopefully sooner than later. I am infinately grateful that I live in a day and age where women like me can connect on the internet and not feel alone. I am infintately grateful for my husband – because I wouldn’t trade him for the world – and rather have a life of IF and suffering with him, than have a life on easy street with any other man on earth. There are actually… so many things to be happy about. The key is to notice them.

On that note, I’m infinately grateful that my injection was smooth today. Hey, after yesterday, I see that’s something to be grateful for!

Day 31 (cycle day 3): Timing worries.

IVF. You just don’t know how its gonna go. As much as I know that all that matters in the end is just the outcome, I still can’t help worrying about the nitty gritty. How can I not? I’m right in it!
And right now I’ve been worried about timing issues. Because of work logistics it would really benefit me to have everything behind me (including transfer and bedrest) before mid-november. Will that be pulled off? All it takes is a little delay here and there and I’m done for. If I’m not ready to stim by Friday, if I stim for longer than expected, if transfer is on day 5 (as planned), I can easily see how this will spill past mid-Nov. Because of projects and deadlines, this will really not benefit me. But we all know how karma works.

I know that worrying about it will not help a thing. My body will simply do what it wants to. But at the very least I can brain storm about my plan Bs and Cs. Not that I can really think of many.

As the stimming phase of the cycle draws nearer, so does the unknown. I sorta dread my appt on Thursday. I dread having to wait for that usual phone call that spells out my fate. Ready to stim, or not.

In a way, I just wish I could go there and demand that they take a look today. Maybe I’m ready already! I have seen sample cycles online where stims begin right after AF. How come I have to wait till what will be day 6 or 7 of my cycle to start stimming? That just seems counter-intuitive. I keep wanting to call and ask “hey, are you sure I can’t come in sooner?” But I know I would only get rushed off the phone with standard replies.

I guess there is no other way out of this, other than to wait. I guess I’ll be having a lot of practice waiting before all this is over.

Shot number 11 was administered a few hours ago. Ouch! That darn needle bounced right off my skin when DH tried to pierce me. What’s this now, is my body developing some sort of resistance to being injected as well?

I guess Thursday can’t come soon enough. And yet… I dread it coming.

Day 30 (cycle day2) – this is what you call LIGHT???

OK, so I was told AF will be light. Today I realized that that’s not going to be. AF was full force – NO difference from every other time. Complete with cramps and all its typical miseries.I started filling out the tons of forms today. DIdn’t finish, but got a good ways along and wrote down a bunch of questions to call and ask about too.

Also, DH and I watched the Follistim video together, which explained how to administer the Follistim injection. Looks simple enough, and yet is still so high tech. This whole pen concept is still so weird to me. Its like assembling something together – you plug in the cartridge, the needle snaps in, and voila! Here is this sci-fi looking contraption that you are going to inject yourself with.

You dial the dose on it, and stab yourself and you’re done. The needle is superfine, you can barely see it. I have a feeling that I should be OK with the shots.

I guess if we have any questions, we will ask on Thursday. The appointment sure is coming up soon!

As of today, 10 shots down, only 3 more to go!! And then its check time, and hopefully… the stimming phase!