Five Types of Pregnant Women (The TTCer’s Classification Guide)

As any TTCer who has been at it long enough (too long) knows, a currently pregnant woman can turn your otherwise perfectly good day to one of tears and misery, just by virtue of the fact that she exists alone. It is no wonder that on most TTC forums, members are advised to warn others before mentioning pregnancies, babies, miscarriages, or anything similar that could upset someone whose nerves (and hormones) are teethering on the edge and threatening to erupt any minute.

Does this mean that pregnant women are the enemy? Of course not. They are (mostly) wonderful, sweet, and LUCKY women who are already in the position that you are desperately trying to be in. But lets face it, some, are to be avoided more than others. Here’s the breakdown, for every TTCer to know.

The Pregnant Woman in the Media:A few years ago you might not even have noticed this commercial, or ad, or developing plot in your favorite TV show, but today, it almost seems to be there simply to taunt you. The pregnant woman in the media (magazine, TV commercial, or movie) may not be real in flesh and blood, and yet there’s nothing like the media to portrey the perfection of something you so painfully lack. The pregnant women in this category are not only a reminder of your TTC struggles, they are also impossibly ideal. The best thing about them is that you can turn them off. See no evil, hear no evil.

The Pregnant Woman in the Grocery Store: She’s very visibly pregnant, and probably with a toddler by her side. Everyone smiles or even crowds around her, while you scurry away into the corners of the store and try to pretend you did not see that deliciously round belly. Depending on where you are in your journey, her presence may charm you, slightly irritate you, or downright devastate you. But one thing remains – you will leave the store and never see her again. You don’t have to worry about what you think or say or do, because lets face it, ten minutes later… its likely you won’t be thinking about her.

The newly pregnant fertile friend: Yikes! This is the point where you unreasonably evaluate the necessity of that friendship or wonder whether you may need to put in on hold for while. Depending on the kind of friend, your relationship, and her own TTC journey (the details of which you may or may not know about), your friendship may continue on as always without as much as a bat on an eye (doubtful), or worst case you will start avoiding your friend and dreading her shower. The difficult thing with a newly pregnant fertile friend is that unless she is awfully perceptive, tactful and simply the best friend ever, she will simply have NO clue about your struggles or your world. And especially now.

The newly pregnant infertile buddy: Her newly pregnant status is usually a wonderfully happy moment for both of you! (safe to say, absolutely exhilerating for her especially). Depending on how deep your friendship is, and how long you’ve walked together, her joy can almost be your own. Aside of feeling happy for your friend you also have that additional proof once again that it DOES happen. Even for people like you and her. But there is of course usually a sad aftermath of wondering, why her and not you. Not that you don’t want her to be pregnant – you want to be pregnant WITH her! You want to continue experiencing your journey together, just the way you have been when you were both infertile. But suddenly she leaps accross the bridge into another world. And you are left standing on the other side and waving at her with a sad smile, without being able to cross over. After the doubling betas and heartbeats are confirmed, it is almost as far as you can go with her. She is on her way – and you’re not. Her world becomes one of worrying about measurements and symptoms and planning the nursery – and you literally start watching someone else living your dream. Suddenly you realize that you are dealing with pain on two levels – one being the fact that you are exposed to well, a PREGNANT woman, and the second subtle pain is the pain of having lost your friend, your confidant.. someone who was cycling and navigating this IF world with you. Now this is something in her past. She’s moved on – you haven’t. And it hurts. Even more so because you feel guilty for not being able to be there for her the way you were when she was crying over a BFN. For your own emotional health, the relationship needs to form a slight distance. Even though it is the last thing you want. But until you can join her… you now belong to different worlds.

The pregnant woman who has walked in your shoes:  This is not a “buddy” that cycles with you. This is the woman you meet because she has already been where you are and came back to encourage you that there are happy endings. These are the pregnant women who are absolute gems – whether in online forums or in your circle of friends, and unlike most other types of pregnant women, you are DRAWN to these, because they offer the one thing that you need the most – hope. They are those motherly figures who have been through the hell you are now walking, and are there to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Their testimonies keep you going. Their stories are real and not just “statistics”. Their words of advice, their wisdom and their encouragement is your daily breat. They have been through what you’re going through. Sometimes, they’ve been through so much worse that you feel guilty to even complain. And yet there they are, yes, PREGNANT… and suddenly you realize that one day… you could be too.

Day 9 – Fertile and abstaining…

This morning I noticed something that would usually put me into a frenzied state of “gotta act NOW!” – a.k.a fertile CM.
It is so strange to know that I am currently fertile and somewhere in there, there is an egg that is ripenning and ready to be fertilized and I am doing…. nothing. Its actually a little mind boggling.
But with my type of cycle, I am starting lupron on day 21 of this cycle as the first step of IVF, which means that we need to use protection this cycle to avoid conception.

Ha! That sounds funny now – use protection. I feel like I am my own walking birth control. Over the past 16 months I’ve done everything short of standing on my head (and maybe even that) to conceive. Skipping a fertile period now seems like such an awful waste…. but I am keeping my mind on the goal. I guess I could trade my 5% chance of conceiving naturally for the 66% chance to conceive next cycle any day.

Sigh still… there’s such a huge part of me that wants to impulsively just do it. It feels like some sort of last chance to go at it… for free.