Day 29 – Lupron Bleed.

AF is here!!! Or “Lupron bleed” as they termed it. The nurse said that I may or may not bleed while on lupron and that technically it is not a period. That if I do bleed it will be light. Well, I guess I will. Cause here I am… bleeding.
Feels just like a period really. I don’t really understand what so un-AF about it – its the shedding of the lining, is it not?

Alright, I guess TMI. On the emotional side of things, for some reason, when it started, it sank in a little more that this is it – the IVF cycle has truly officially began! This is the cycle I will stimulate, retrieve what I hope to be a million eggs (well, just kidding) and have them hopefully fertilize and become my baby! I was just thinking that hopefully this will be the last time I will see my period for a long long time. Please, please let it be so!

Once again, excited but also just feeling nervous about what’s to come. Sure, I’d love it to be smooth, uncomplicated and with the perfect outcome. But who knows, right? History is being written as we speak. I don’t know how it will go. I don’t know how it will end. I am just going to find out as it unfolds one day at a time.

What makes IVF so crazy, is that there is SO much action before you even get to the “beginning” of things. I feel that conceiving naturally is like advancing immediately past all this and starting out where it takes an IVF woman what feels like a lifetime to get to. There’s pros and cons. I guess the cons are that there is all the stressing and worrying and everything that could go wrong, not to mention the COST of doing this. But the pros are that it is literally an incredible journey to make a baby. You are taking those baby steps day by day for a whole month, all to make your wonderful baby. You feel so aware of it, and so in tune, and you get involved so early. The fact that you get to see your child at its very conception is mind-boggling, and strangely incredible.

I had asked DH if we conceive this child whether it wwill be an act of love.. and he kind of looked at me like I am stupid. What more could we have done to show our love for each other and for this future child than to go this mile and this distance. There is NO way our kid could ever tell us we didn’t want them.

We went through the paperwork we need to sign today. SO much of it. There’s always the legal stuff. I felt like I was in some futuristic world, needing to make decisions about what should be done about potential unborn children if something becomes of me. I’m glad we went over all the documents. I’ve written down the questions to ask, and hopefully we’ll have them all filled and submitted in the next few days.

The IVF journey continues, and the IVF cycle has officially BEGAN!