All About Yesterday…

So yesterday turned out to be …. a little different than what had been originally planned…

Some time in the evening after hubby came home and we were in the thick of doing chores, I suddenly asked him if he would like to test today (yesterday) after all. My thought was that the next day (today) was going to be really busy, so why not. And he said sure.

We waited for a bit. But then right around the time DD decided to ask for oatmeal out of the blue and was sitting there eating it with 3 spoons while we sat next to her with pretty much nothing to do otherwise, I said, why not test now. And DH agreed. So that enwas how quite suddenly it ended up being the moment of truth, a day earlier than planned.
I didn’t even remember the last time I peed – I figured it had been about 4 hours earlier or so, but oh well. I figured that if we gt a BFN it certainly would not be over quite yet. So I ran to the bathroom, peed into a cup, and then ran back real quick before actually dipping the test to say a quick prayer with the family. It was short – just “Lord, please give us a good outcome and the right emotions”.
Then I quickly dipped the test and brought it back to the table. I instinctively placed it closer to me so that I could study it, and DH, being on the other end of the table complained. So I fairly but grudgingly put it int he middle.

I saw it first. A line!
I guess in all my practice of taking tests through TTC I knew exactly where to look and saw it long before it fully formed and while DH was still wondering where it would appear. I immediately blurted out “We’re gonna have  baby” and he said “Really?!” but by then he could see it too….

We have a line guys!!!!
What made it even more special is that DD was quite suddenly in a pretty giddy mood herself and kept going “Mommy happy! Baby Happy!” DH turned to her and kind of said in a surreal voice – you’re gonna be  a big sister.

Well… I hope we are forgiven for hoping for the best. Yes… so far its just only the beginnng of a hundred million obstacles that I’m only too well aware of. But during my last pregancy, even after my devastating miscarriage I promised myself to enjoy every moment given to me, cause I never know… it may all just go well and I wouldn’t want to remember not allowing myself to be happy.

Of course that said… I only will process one day at a time.
Soon after the test showed positive… even though I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face… it was just hitting me… holy cow… holy COW. Everything that this might mean was just too much to process. So only one day at a time. FIrst hurdles are betas.

We had tea after DD went to bed and talked with DH. He brought out cookies and I was gonna have one to celebrate but in the end changed my mind. I said… I just found out and I am not going to start off by eating junk. No matter what… I’m gonna try to give this embie the very best from me… and pray for the best possible pregnancy.

So now that I have a positive… I have to look at how I’m feeling… and truly, its nothing like last time. My body temperature feels elevated, no cramping like last time… bloatiness… a strange change in eating patterns (I have tended to skip dinner these days – definitely NOT me). In a way I’m scared – it would have been easier if everything was exactly like last time. My symptoms more closely resemble those of that very first time… but, there are differences, so maybe that’s good.

Its kind of funny now in hindsight, that over the last couple days I watched Horton hears a Who while falling asleep. I had long wanted to see it, being a DR Seuss fan. And it intrigued me how the movie made me think about this tiny thing that was there and yet could not be seen. Yet it somehow made a connection to let someone in the bigger world know its there. When I saw the line… I suddenly felt like this was the same way with my embie. Too small for our big world, but it had made that very first communication to me… that its there!

At any rate for today… (and for yesterday) I’m happy
I fell asleep next to my test and picture of the embie. Its just so wonderful to know…. its still there!