One reason to look forward to the end of the weekend…

 

… Obviously because tomorrow I finally go in for my beta!
Truthfully… I don’t have anything other than little lines like the one shown above to make it feel more real. No kicks, no symptoms really, no official news from the doctor. I just keep having to pee on sticks and try to believe it. It is very surreal at this stage.
The photo above is of that very first test when I found out the good news. (I dont have any other photos yet) Since then, the lines have definitely been darker. But other than that… I don’t feel any different really. Even the bloatiness seems to be gone. The only thing that reassures me somewhat, is that with my successful pregnancy I didn’t feel anything either – until 7 weeks when suddenly it really hit out of the blue. In fact, it was funny that I was being checked out of my RE office and on that last visit with him I mentioned that I don’t feel anything and he said that I’m just lucky in that case. Not at all – it was ironic that it seemed like the minute I left the office, it suddenly hit… and didn’t go away until well into my second trimester. I was miserably nauteous and throwing up for almost 3 months, morning, noon and night.
So that said… I’m hoping that my lack of symptoms right now isn’t anything I should be worried about. Although I also know that if all goes well and they do hit, that’s really no fun either. So it is weird to really hope that something happens soon and yet REALLY not look forward to it either. Plus I am obsessively sleeping on my tummy right now. Why? Cause I suddenly remembered how badly I CRAVED to do so during the later stages of pregnancy and couldn’t. Being able to again, after birth, was one of the most wonderful things - and so now that I am seeing those 2 little lines, I’m suddenly subconsiously wanting to get as much “tummy sleep” while I still can.

But…. first hurdle really is betas.  I’m really hoping and praying for a strong result tomorrow and a good doubling in a couple days. I’m happy and excited and yet also mixed with tension and anxiety for everything to be OK.

I saw family over the weekend and for some reason it was very hard not to blurt out the latest news in our life. Especially when the subject of “so are you guys gonna have any more kids?” was thrown on us out of the blue. But it is truly way too early to announce it. We don’t even have the official confirmation from the doctor just yet. So I’ll have to keep my mouth shut for a while. Except here, where I can freely tell all my readers about every single thing that nobody in my world other than DH knows. (isn’t this cool). 

Will update tomorrow as soon as I hear my beta result. Please PLEASE PLEASE let it be good.