Telling the first few people and some Bittersweet results.

Yesterday I finally told a few key people about my good news.

I was so excited to finally share it. Days like this dont happen every day where you tell your closest friends/family that you are joyfully expecting. And from what I have seen, unfortunately, its only your first, second and maybe third time that you can feel confident that people would react with joy. In fact, just the other day, I heard a lady talk about her daughers announcement of her 4th pregnancy like its a tragedy.

I wish people would just focus on what a wonderful miracle from God this is, every time. My own announcemtn yesterday is very unfortunately mixed with unpleasant memories also.

While things went wonderfully with my best friend, with my mother, I was left feeling pretty upset. She was happy for me of course, but her immediate question was not when is the due date or how far along I am or how I’m feeling – no, her immediate need was to know whether this pregnancy was “natural” or whether we had help. I certainly understand and do not think there’s anything wrong with asking that, since she knew about my IVF. In fact, I had anticipated this question coming and went through options of what I will say in response – since, I have sort of regretted telling her about my IVF in the first place due to several insensitive things she said since. I had toyed with the option of answering that question with saying that it is not her business. But in the end, I decided that if she asks (or rather WHEN she asks) to tell her that of course we went back for our embies as we obviously feel very strongly that we would give them a chance before creating anything new.

So, when that was the first thing she started prying about, that is exactly what I said.

It was her comment right after that, that has upset me to the point where almost 24 hours later, I am still really upset about it. First she said, so you didn’t even try naturally at all? TO which I answered – No, we did not, SO?

She skirted around her obvious dissappointment and then just blurted it out – “well, I dont know, but you should have just tried to do it naturally this time”. She kind of started go on and on about it, so I immediately curbed that by telling her that I did not have to share this information with her, but since she asked and I chose to, she should at the very least respect the decision that me and my husband felt was right.

But the damage was done. Instead of feeling happy and glowing about the fact that I told family and basking in the happy memories, I have instead been crying and wishing to God that I’d kept the origins of this pregnancy as my business alone, since I feel that nobody who tries to tell me how I should conceive my children has the right to know the details of how they were concived anyway.

I feel like I should have known better, since having told my mom about my IVF already resulted in comments that made me wish I hadn’t told her. This may be my last pregnancy and I was hoping that with things that are in my control, I would avoid the things that irked me the last time. But I have already made this first mistake.

I wish my mother wasn’t someone who needs a fix that we conceived naturally. I wish she was someone who shared my views that life is precious even in the embryonic stage and how could I ever NOT have gone back for the embies I left? Instead, she unfortunately sees this as frivolous morality and very openly wishes that our pregnancy would not be tarnished with having had help.

Needless to say, when the views are so different, you kind of wish you didn’t open yourself to even letting someone in on your private life and giving them a chance to make their comments on “how” you should have done what is ultimately NONE of their business.
I am very bitter about it, and just hoping that with time I will feel better and that it won’t bug me anymore, and most importantly that I would not regret having told her about what I feel is right in my heart. I firmly stand for what I believe, and absolutely nobody has the right to tell me that I should not have gone back for my embryos, and instead chosen to value chasing a “natural pregnancy” and having no regard for the fact that I have precious embies waiting.

My mom of course, always thinks she is right – I am just the immature child who hasn’t wisened up to her years of experience to know better. So I already know that there is no point to even putting this discussion on the table to tell her how I feel – it will only end badly and I will just end up feeling like my privacy was that much more invaded.  I only wish I could go back in time and never tell her about the origins of this pregnancy because ultimately it really isn’t any of her business.  And unfotunately right now, I don’t feel like sharing anything else about it with her.

I hope that I start feeling better, and focusing on happiness. I know after all, what a blessing this is, and I don’t let myself forget even one day. So I hope I find a way to cope, and move on, and hopefully be able to reach a time when in hindsight it will not bug me anymore.