Nothing Exciting other than Emotional Drama

Today I feel exactly as I did yesterday, which means I still do not have any classic pregnancy symptoms, and now that the memories of pee sticks and beta updates from the doctor seem to be becoming somewhat distant, I just live by faith that I am pregnant and firm refusal to think anything other than that everything will be OK.

While I have no nausea or any other noticable changes in my body, I have been OVERWHELMINGLY tired and also, extremely emotional. I was walking around the mall yesterday and I found myself looking around desperately searching for anything to “cry” at. This is a change I definitely see. I am weepy and extraordinarily emotional about everything.

Which is why I am really trying to be calm about my previous post, realizing that 10% of me is totally right to be upset the way I am, and the other 90% is totally blown up by hormones into letting it affect me a lot more than I should. I got a message from my mom and it is obvious that she is totally obliviously happy about our news, while I am sitting here still seething over her comment and have successfully made it the focus of my thoughts for the last couple of days. I am torn whether to bring the subject up with her or not. On one hand logic tells me there is no point and it will only create this unpleasant “thing” between us. On the other hand, emotional as I am, maybe I would be wise to say something if only to protect myself from any such future comments, which obviously affect me GREATLY. Is there a way to have the best of both worlds?

On the bright side, I talked to a friend who has absolutely no clue about my TTC journey and told her my little secret news and it was absolutely refreshing to just hear the normal wonderful comments that people make when a pregnancy is announced. I reminded myself why as much as I love to talk about it, it is still nice when someone just doesn’t know, and for a while just takes you away from it all.

I am of coure eagerly awaiting the heartbeat appointment. Next Friday seems even further away than it did last Friday. When I think about it, time just seems to drag one second at a time. I guess maybe that’s why preoccupying myself with being hurt over comments has a positive spin to it, in that it can take me away from obsessing about my sonogram date?

It certainly can’t come soon enough.