The life-cycle of a Cycle

September 28, 2006 at 8:41 pm Leave a comment

days 1-4: tough days – you are probably hosting AF right after the bust of yet another cycle. This is the period of questioning why, and how much longer, and generally that “philosophical time” amidst the PMS and the tears and the overwhelming sense of agony of knowing you are back on day 1 and starting again from scratch. On the other hand, at least you know where you stand. No more wondering BFP or BFN. You gradually start putting the past cycle behind you and concentrating on the new one.

days 5-9: Gearing up to ovulate. You are likely on medication or injections or whatever the protocol. Your concentration is completely on the current cycle and you try to create the best environment possible to ensure success. This is the time of mapping out schedules, worrying about timings etc. Whether IUI or sex on demand or whatever methods you are trying this cycle, its all about planning and setting up for those big days of execution. You fret and worry over everything from the outcome of sonograms to planning out those fertile days. Add to that all the hormonal craziness if you are on drugs and being affected by them. Keyword: Stress!

days 10-14: Let the pee-fest begin (of you are using OPKs). whether you are waiting for the surge, triggering, ovulating, whatever… this is that do or die time. You want to execute perfectly and not miss a thing. In a way it is exciting. This is the time when you see all those lovely ripe follicles begging to be fertilized… in fact this is the most exciting, most visual part of the cycle. If you are lucky and everything goes well from sperm counts to follicle sizes to lining, you are actually exhillerated.. and begin to hope… will this be it? Afterall NOTHING went wrong. On the other hand you are also ansy to get to that 2ww, as much as you dread it. At least at that point all the madness of executing is behind you and you can leave the stress behind. You long for the part when you can actually just do nothing any longer but “wait”.

days 15-21 (1st week of 2ww): This can be an agonizing time, or a blissfull time, depending on how much of it you spend dwelling on the cycle. If you are thinking about it daily and jumping at the thought of any potential symptom, time just DRAGS. You can’t believe its only 3dpo. What? It feels like 300. On the other hand, if you manage to distract yourself… time flies a little. It is you time of rest, when you can for once take at least a LITTLE of your mind off TTC to have somewhat of a stab of a healthy life. Especially when you know it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to not think about the outcome in the 2nd part of the 2ww…..

days 22-28 (2nd week of 2ww): This is arguably by far (at least to me) the worst part of the cycle. This is the daily torture of being convinced one minute that this cycle is it, and then feeling terribly guilty that you even allowed yourself to THINK that…. afterall… its always bad news, why would this time be different? Its the time when you range from being overjoyed and hopeful at the slightest symptom , to losing it in tears when the next minute you feel that this is definitely NOT it. One thing remains constant though – the wait is absolutely killing you – you MUST know. You being peeing in a frenzy on anything that even looks like a stick. You analyze it to death… until you willl yourself to see a line, even if that BFN is so white, you can build a snowman on it. You monitor temps obsessively, and your mood either falls or rises with them. Finally you are at the point of insanity… and you know you just gotta know.
And then you do…..
and if you are unlucky… you are right back to days 1-3.

(I wrote this on a forum on August 23rd while waiting for the outcome of my own cycle, which was of course a BFN. Now posting it here)

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Entry filed under: All Posts, Emotions & Feelings.

Day 6 – Debating big life changes Day 7 – the fertile world rolls on

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Expecting Number 2… :)

My TTC History

Started TTC May 2005
RE diagnosed as unexplained in Feb 06.
natural IUI #1 March 06 - BFP, m/c :(
natural IUI #2 May 06 - BFN
clomid IUI #3 July 06 - BFN
femara IUI #4 August 06 - BFN

Skipping suggested injectables,
moving to IVF
Bloodwork: Oct 12 for lupron
ER estimated 1st week of Nov

UPDATE:
25 eggs, 15 fertilized.
1 blast transferred, 6 frozen.
Precious baby Girl born in July 07.

After 2.5 years of Bliss since that BFP...

April 2009: Start of TTC #2.
(Going back for the embies I left)
Apr 15: Start of Natural FET cycle.
May 1: Transferred single blast
May 11: BFN :(
Straight to Natural FET #2
May 29: Transferred single blast
June 4: BFP!!!!
June 8: 1st beta - 177
June 10: 2nd beta - 506


UPDATE:
Healthy baby Boy born 2010!

Fast forward several years...

June 2013: Surprised with a completely natural and completely unplanned BFP!
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