Day 45 (cycle day 17) – Cliffhanger Day

November 6, 2006 at 6:11 pm 5 comments

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convey in words the emotions and nail-biting that I lived through today.

When you are waiting for do-or-die news, there’s no such other feeling.

My whole morning was spent on my appointment. One of those days when you call into work 5 times to keep delaying your estimated time of arrival.

First my blood was taken, and the nurse told me right there that my levels from Saturday are REALLY high. Depending on what the results come back today, she warned me that my cycle might be cancelled. She went through the risks of OHSS and told me its certainly a condition to avoid, so if my levels come back too high, its over.

I didn’t really even know what to say. She was nice, but I knew that the fate of this cycle was now hanging in the air, this early in the game. And it was not a pleasant feeling.

The wait for the u/s took forever since I wasn’t scheduled for it till about an hour later. Dh and I actually left to run an errand and came back to more waiting. As I understand, there just happen to be an insane number of IVFs going on in the office right now – 11 or so this week. So getting through all the sonos for all the current cyclers takes a while.

Finally it was my turn.

We started with the right ovary. The term “swiss cheese” came to mind. My goodness, what is going on in there! Big dark circles completely filled the screen. The tech explained to my ever-inquisitive husband that the follicles are like a bunch of grapes and he is looking at the one at a time.

I think I fell asleep and woke up and he was still on the right ovary. It took forever! He would comment once in a while and say that he sees one at 19, then one at 18.5.

Then he looked at the lining. 10.7 which he said was good.

then on to the left ovary for a repeat. My giant folly was in there measuring at 23. DH said it looked enormous. There were other huge ones also.

Finally we were done. I asked the tech, how many. He said “a bunch”. He didn’t count them all but it looks like I have about 20 per ovary, but he’s only counting the ones large enough and estimates between 10 and 20 follicles for retrieval, perhaps more.

It was back to the waiting room until the nurse called me in again.
She said I’m ready to trigger tonight! But…. if the e2 levels come back too high its a no-go.

What a predicament to be in.

She went over the times to be at the clinic for retrieval, what to eat, what to take, etc etc – the info was just flying over my head. I’m glad there were sheets with all that written down.

She also went over the fact that I’m at risk for OHSS, which only added another dozen rules and regulations to follow. I now need to weight myself daily, drink water and gatorade, eat pretzels, and a dozen other such things, and report certain symptoms asap if they happen. Once again, she just talked over my head.

In all my confusion I forgot to remind her to draw a circle on my hip for the PIO shots that would start on the 10th should we move forward. We don’t even know how to do those!
But that wasn’t my concern at the time. It became this agony of a waiting game to find out whether we are going forward today or whether it all ends here.

I told them to call DH, because I couldn’t handle that phone call. Somehow it would be better to hear the news from him I thought. He’s got a lot more calm than me, not to mention that he isn’t drugged up.

I finally rolled in to work almost at lunch time. The next few hours were some of the most dreaded ones for IVFers – or for anyone who is awaiting crucial news.

There are no words that describe that feeling of waiting. You don’t dare hope it will be OK, cause what if you are going to be dissappointed? Yet you don’t want to think negative, cause what if you jinx yourself? Yet you can think NOTHING else. What is it going to be?! Yes? No? Something unpredictable you didn’t even think of? WHAT!?

I never imagined that it can be so tough emotionally before the action even STARTS. I tried to think about what would happen if after all these injections, all this preparation, all this waiting, the cycle ends right here. No chance of a pregnancy even this Xmas. Everything trashed. And thousands of dollars of meds wasted.

I quickly tried to summon up all my remaining strength to think of any consolation points. Like the fact that I’d have more time to get in shape. (yeah right. I could not do that all year, what more an Xmas break). Well, at least there would be the consolation of not having to spend the bulk of the $$$ on IVF. Well… but we’d just have to spend it all again when we try again, plus the money we’ve blown already on meds.

Clearly there were no great points that totally excelled and made me wish they’d cancel my cycle. But still I thought of a few… just in case…

The phone rang. Several times actually. And each time it wasn’t my news just yet, even though my heart would just to the ceiling every time the phone rang. Don’t you just love that?

But finally it came. The news.

We’re moving forward!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not know that it was possible to feel this elated during the IVF process before it even STARTS! And to think that I’m only signing up for more torture ahead. I don’t know how I will get through, but I guess only one day at a time, like today.

For now, all I know is I have to trigget at 8pm tonight and retrieval is on Wednesday!

My level did come back super high…. 5,718! :O But I guess it wasn’t high enough to abandon ship just yet.

The story… continues.

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Entry filed under: All Posts, Day by Day.

Day 44 (cycle day 16) – Back in Freak-ville. Day 46 (cycle day 18) – Shot free day!

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. hopefulmother  |  November 6, 2006 at 8:34 pm

    I’m really happy you’re moving forward with retrieval, but PLEASE BE CAREFUL. It sounds like they have already warned you about your high risk for OHSS, and it is serious stuff. You don’t want to mess with it. Not trying to scare you, but make you aware of the potential here.

    I will be thinking about you over the next few days and hoping for things to go as smoothly as possible!

    Reply
  • 2. Jess  |  November 6, 2006 at 9:45 pm

    Wow, that’s a high E2 number and sounds like you have enough eggs to start your own farm. Make sure you drink your gatoraide and weigh yourself every day, like they told you to. Good luck!

    Reply
  • 3. Josie  |  November 7, 2006 at 8:55 am

    Take care of yourself over these next few days. The waiting is PURE AGONY – there is no other way to explain it.

    Reply
  • 4. Jys  |  November 7, 2006 at 10:55 am

    ladies, thanks so much.
    And trust me, a great deal of eggs is NOT a good thing. Half of them are no good typically and all they do is increase your risk for OHSS with no benefits. I kinda wish I hadn’t had that many and not have to worry about this now.
    Taking it one day at a time and will enjoy my day without needles. ER tomorrow!

    Reply
  • 5. NikkiNix  |  November 7, 2006 at 5:46 pm

    Got you are an excellent writer… I’m at the edge of the cliff in anticipation of a great retrieval and later a fantastic transfer. I’m in limbo today if I’ll go a round 2, but really really hope all those lovely follies give you some good quality embies and some to spare 😉

    Reply

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Expecting Number 2… :)

My TTC History

Started TTC May 2005
RE diagnosed as unexplained in Feb 06.
natural IUI #1 March 06 - BFP, m/c :(
natural IUI #2 May 06 - BFN
clomid IUI #3 July 06 - BFN
femara IUI #4 August 06 - BFN

Skipping suggested injectables,
moving to IVF
Bloodwork: Oct 12 for lupron
ER estimated 1st week of Nov

UPDATE:
25 eggs, 15 fertilized.
1 blast transferred, 6 frozen.
Precious baby Girl born in July 07.

After 2.5 years of Bliss since that BFP...

April 2009: Start of TTC #2.
(Going back for the embies I left)
Apr 15: Start of Natural FET cycle.
May 1: Transferred single blast
May 11: BFN :(
Straight to Natural FET #2
May 29: Transferred single blast
June 4: BFP!!!!
June 8: 1st beta - 177
June 10: 2nd beta - 506


UPDATE:
Healthy baby Boy born 2010!

Fast forward several years...

June 2013: Surprised with a completely natural and completely unplanned BFP!
November 2006
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