17dpo – little glimpses of the possibility of joy

November 25, 2006 at 1:42 pm 3 comments

Dh and I spent the day together – we went out to see a movie, did some minor shopping, played a computer game and had an otherwise relaxing day.
I have still been numb more or less to the big news in our life, but today I did have flutters of tiny feelings as random thoughts would hit me – like a thought that I will actually be able to pick up a pregnancy book again. Or that passing through the baby section of a store may not hurt anymore. Or the exciting thought that I might be finally able to delight in starting a keepsake pregnancy journal.

Most of these thoughts, I still push away. I still want to believe and to see more progress and more good news before I fully accept it into my heart. I can’t even open my mouth and say things like “when we have the baby” – if I even want to express myself that way, I ALWAYS feel compelled to add “if all goes well”, or “if things go as hoped”. IF IF IF.

I recall reading several journals of women who never had to experience IF or m/c. They would start planning the nursery and choosing names the day the pregnancy test came back positive. What ignorant bliss. As one book said so well, couples who go through m/c learn that a BFP is still a LONG ways from having that baby.

I feel safe being cautious, and yet I do not want to rob myself of the joy. I will just have to find a happy medium, and a point where I would allow myself to feel it. The last thing I would want after all, is to go through that very first pregnancy and never allow myself the precious feelings and moments that need to come with it. Especially after having waited SO long and gone through SO much to be here.

I will breathe a sigh of relief if things go well on Monday, and even more so, once we have a sonogram. Till then… I’ll just allow myself those glimpses of hopefully… things to come.  

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Entry filed under: All Posts, Day by Day.

16dpo – Reassurance 19dpo – Beta 2!!

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. BeckyZ  |  November 26, 2006 at 2:34 pm

    Me too. My DH is already deciding who will be in the delivery room and I still can’t get the hang of the phrase “I’m PG”. I keep saying, “if everything goes well” too…

    Reply
  • 2. beckyZ  |  November 28, 2006 at 12:55 pm

    Hey–are you okay? Just concerned…

    Reply
  • 3. Jys  |  November 28, 2006 at 6:53 pm

    Becky, thanks so much for being concerned!! I have now posted the latest news and back-dated it. I just did not have the time yesterday..
    will go check your blog now.

    Reply

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Expecting Number 2… :)

My TTC History

Started TTC May 2005
RE diagnosed as unexplained in Feb 06.
natural IUI #1 March 06 - BFP, m/c :(
natural IUI #2 May 06 - BFN
clomid IUI #3 July 06 - BFN
femara IUI #4 August 06 - BFN

Skipping suggested injectables,
moving to IVF
Bloodwork: Oct 12 for lupron
ER estimated 1st week of Nov

UPDATE:
25 eggs, 15 fertilized.
1 blast transferred, 6 frozen.
Precious baby Girl born in July 07.

After 2.5 years of Bliss since that BFP...

April 2009: Start of TTC #2.
(Going back for the embies I left)
Apr 15: Start of Natural FET cycle.
May 1: Transferred single blast
May 11: BFN :(
Straight to Natural FET #2
May 29: Transferred single blast
June 4: BFP!!!!
June 8: 1st beta - 177
June 10: 2nd beta - 506


UPDATE:
Healthy baby Boy born 2010!

Fast forward several years...

June 2013: Surprised with a completely natural and completely unplanned BFP!
November 2006
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