35 weeks…. and counting.

June 28, 2007 at 10:36 am 8 comments

Once again a long lapse between updates. But don’t want to go too long. I am 35 weeks now as of yesterday – so unbelievably close. The baby is huge and so are the movements HUGE – even painful at times. It is so weird to see all the lumps and bumps as it shifts and turns and kicks and explores in there. Active ALL the time – while I’m working, while I’m driving, while I’m watching TV, while I’m eating – I wonder if the little one ever sleeps! We’ve been managing to knock out a lot of the preparation stuff, but with time literally evaporating from under us, it still seems like we are never quite where we should be at this point.

We did complete a ton of baby classes – from lamaze to breast-feeding to baby care and CPR and a lot of it was great information, which wil be helpful I think. I’ve certainly become so much more educated about the world of babies in the last few months than I ever was. As the day approaches I am becoming terribly excited, especially as we still do not know boy or girl – it has been really incredible to wonder, and its been so fun with tons of people guessing and changing their minds and wondering with us. One thing is for sure – whether boy or girl, I am so in love with this baby and my instinct of protectiveness over it have become so fierce that sometimes I have to ask myself whether I am being reasonable or whether I’m just building a fantasy in my head about the relationship between us. It helps sometimes to rationalize that it is another individual who will one day grow up into an adult human that leaves home, and will never in its life even remember this time between us, and probably cringe the way I do when my own mother tries to “go back there” and talk about a time with me that I cannot even remember. But on the other hand, I do know that for now and in this moment, this baby needs me – to survive and to thrive, whether it will remember it or not, and that I have to do the very best I can to meet these needs.

For now it is so easy, the baby is inside and my body is just doing it magically. But just in a few weeks, this baby will enter the outside world, and from that moment I will need to make a 1000 decisions that would impact it’s welfare every day. Some of those I am already having to think about now – like circumcision – would we do it if it is a boy? I recently researched the subject extensively, and was surprised at how little I actually KNEW on this issue. I had told my husband that its his decision to make, but after having researched and learned so much on it myself, I feel like I should have a say – like any responsible mother should. Especially since my in-law side is seemingly trying to have a say by expressing their firm views on this with him. But I have learned that some views can be very outdated, and after all the information I read and after having seen some videos of the procedure, I suddenly could not imagine doing this to this little baby that was playing and kicking inside me so innocently, without ever giving them the choice in their life to decide about it for themselves.

I heard the fierce argument from my in-law side that the procedure is so painful later in life, while a “baby” will not remember. But after everything I have personally been through, I can say a lot about pain. I went through so much just to HAVE this baby. And one thing I have learnt is that no amount of pain will stop someone when they have made a choice to do something for a personal reason. That CHOICE is what is important. And the pain fades away, as YOUR choice and decisions are realized. I want my baby – this little individual – to have these choices. And not make them for it. And any pain associated with a procedure in making such a choice (THEIR choice) later in life, I know they will live through no different than I lived through my own.

I know there will be so many other decisions and choices I will need to make, but I think I will always try… to make them on behalf of this baby, and not on my personal behalf, until they are old enough and strong enough to have a voice and strength of their own. For now, my job is to protect their interest and help them get there. Just like I respected this precious life from the point of an embryo and did all I could to see it through so that it thrives, I want to continue to do so, until it can truly stand on its own. I think I have been realizing that this is not a life that was created FOR me, and for my personal pleasure – but rather a life that was given to me – to be placed in my care until it can be strong enough to finally live on its own – and this gift of trust is so precious, that I want to do everything I can to do the best job I can do to see it through. Not just from embryo to baby. But well beyond.

I cant wait to meet this little life outside the womb – although I feel so close to it already. And now its just about a month to go. I will probably miss being pregnant, for all its woes – but it almost feels strange to think I won’t be any more, when I have been this entire year so far and beyond. I try not to mind the heavy tummy, the heat, the inability to run around or bend down with the ease I always did – and instead simply enjoy the last few weeks of this. To try to remember what it feels like to have this little human inside, because who knows if I’ll ever experience it again. And just like I am having to say goodbye to the “honeymoon” of just DH and me, I am trying to slowly start to say goodbye to this journey of pregnancy. The count-down now to birth… is truly began.

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Entry filed under: All Posts, Emotions & Feelings, Pregnancy.

My 30 week update… 37 weeks – FULL TERM!

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. sphyrnatude  |  June 28, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    First of all, congrats. A baby is a major joy in life.
    I would like to recomend tht you do get the circumcission done. I went through the same decision, and after weighing all the facts, I decided that the health benefits far outweigh any short term pain (You will have to face this again when it is time for vaccinations – when yo have to hold your squirming little darling while the doc stabs a needle in….
    Being male and circuscised, I can say that there really is no memory of it – I remember my vacinations though…..

    Whatever you decide, may you have a happy and healthy..

    Reply
  • 2. Jys  |  June 29, 2007 at 7:39 am

    Hi Sphyrnatude!
    Thank you for leaving a comment. Current AAP recommendations imply that there are no significant health benefits to justify the procedure, otherwise there would certainly have been no question that I would have wanted to do what is best for my baby.

    Reply
  • 3. sphyrnatude  |  June 29, 2007 at 3:17 pm

    yeah, but the AAP is always a few years behind the reseerach. Check out science for the last 2 months, and you’ll find at least one article with convincing evidence that circucision drasticaly decreased transmission of STDs (Including AIDS) and reduces the chances of a variety of infections (becasue the folds of skin tha tteh infections trive in are not there any more). Also, in any situationwhere he he is catheterised for more thana few hours (hopefully never, but preactically a certainty in later life), being circumcised makes a HUGE difference in infection rates….
    The AAP recomendations are based on information for children – you’re amking a decision that will effect your sons whole life…. Talk to a geriatric specialist about it, and he’ll give you a very different story. Or a Surgeon.

    Reply
  • 4. Lut C.  |  June 30, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    I’ve had the same thought exactly, never again will the baby live in such a sheltered environment as while it is safe inside the womb. It’ll be a lot harder to protect the baby once it is out there.

    As an outsider, circumcision strikes me as a cultural practice in the first place. I wonder how come it is so widespread in the U.S. As far as I know it is limited to certain ethnic communities in Europe.
    If you’re wavering, the scientific research may influence your decision.
    I can’t imagine such research would be enough to convince many parents over here though. I’m not convinced.
    I don’t see what this has to do with vaccination.

    There will always be people giving you a piece of their mind. All you can do is your best.

    Reply
  • 5. Jys  |  July 1, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    Yeah, Lut you are right – all you can do is do your best like you said 🙂
    I talked with pediatricians, did tons of research etc – the practice is certainly going down, even in the US now thankfully.
    I know for sure that I will be making decisions that will affect the baby’s life (if its a boy) but more so if I make that decision to circumsize for him – since you can’t go back once you do it.

    You are right abot the sheltered life in womb right now 😀 Its a crazy world out there. But a wonderful one in many ways too – I can’t wait to finally have this baby 🙂

    Reply
  • 6. sphyrnatude  |  July 4, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    Sounds like you are getting a lot of good info. Whatever decision you make, I pray for a happy and healthy!

    enjoy

    Reply
  • 7. stacy  |  July 23, 2007 at 11:42 pm

    I was just googling things on 35 weeks because that’s where I am too with my fourth child. I loved your frankness and things you were writing about! Good luck on your upcoming little miracle. We have 2 girls and 1 boy, with another boy on the way. I felt the same way you did when I had our first son about circumcision. The best thing I read was whatever his dad is, is what you should do to him too. It has them grow up knowing they’re just like daddy, and it makes the decision an easy one for you! Like Father like Son 🙂 God bless you and your family!

    Reply
  • 8. sphyrnatude  |  July 24, 2007 at 6:56 am

    Stacy, I like that one. I’ve never heard it before, but I think that is the absolute best advice I’ve EVER heard on circusmcision. Three is enough “scientific” and “Medical” evidence on both sides of the issue to make it alost impossible to make an informed decision based on that information (unless you happen to be one of the people directly invovled ithe research, and can figure out what is acurate and what is hype). Your advice cuts right through all of the arm waving and noise, and comes up with a solid reason to base a decision on. Thanks so much!

    Reply

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Expecting Number 2… :)

My TTC History

Started TTC May 2005
RE diagnosed as unexplained in Feb 06.
natural IUI #1 March 06 - BFP, m/c :(
natural IUI #2 May 06 - BFN
clomid IUI #3 July 06 - BFN
femara IUI #4 August 06 - BFN

Skipping suggested injectables,
moving to IVF
Bloodwork: Oct 12 for lupron
ER estimated 1st week of Nov

UPDATE:
25 eggs, 15 fertilized.
1 blast transferred, 6 frozen.
Precious baby Girl born in July 07.

After 2.5 years of Bliss since that BFP...

April 2009: Start of TTC #2.
(Going back for the embies I left)
Apr 15: Start of Natural FET cycle.
May 1: Transferred single blast
May 11: BFN :(
Straight to Natural FET #2
May 29: Transferred single blast
June 4: BFP!!!!
June 8: 1st beta - 177
June 10: 2nd beta - 506


UPDATE:
Healthy baby Boy born 2010!

Fast forward several years...

June 2013: Surprised with a completely natural and completely unplanned BFP!
June 2007
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