Trigger shot arrives, and emotions start brewing…

January 30, 2009 at 8:36 pm 2 comments

The last few days have been so busy with so much going on, and of course also thoughts about this cycle constantly in the background.

Today the trigger shot that I am supposed to take with me for my sonogram arrived on my doorstep. Its been so long since that time of shots and monitoring and cycling and in a way it is surreal that I am doing this again. It feels like an old dream and that its coming to life again but you still kind of don’t believe it. Especially when your hands are full with a little toddler running around now.

In many ways (at least so far) it is a lot easier and there is less anxiety. I don’t have much time to think about it and obsess over whether it will work or not. On  the other hand, it has its own challenges and different things to obsess about.

For one thing, DD is not totally weaned yet, although at this stage she totally could be. I had really wanted to let things happen naturally and have her wean whenever she is ready. I assumed that doing a natural cycle will mean I don’t have to wean. But now I can’t seem to find concrete information about whether the trigger shot is OK to have for breastfeeding. It seems logical that hcg is produced in volumes in a pregnant woman, and many nurse while pregnant, so surely it should be OK to take. Yet I keep hearing conflicting opinions on this and I just want there to be a clear answer cause my time sure is running out.

In a strange way, I am scared and ambient about going for number 2. But at the same time, I know I am as ready as I’ll ever be. I know if I don’t go for it now and delay (till whenever?) and then start having as many curve-balls and problems in conceiving number 2, then I will regret not having started earlier and be kicking myself about it. Especially since I should have known better after my first experience.

Our lab gives a 50% or higher chance with a FET. So I definitely have to be open to the fact that it might work and be ready just in case to have number 2. That’s why we are doing this after all, right?
On the other hand, I know that if it does not work, I’ll be very glad I started now and didn’t wait for all the stars to align, the way I tried to the first time.

I know many moms who are pregnant with number 2 and will (or already do) have an age gap much smaller than we will have should this cycle work. Yet, it still somehow feels scary to me to think about actually being pregnant with a second right now. It would be exciting and yet also I know I will be wondering how I will be able to actually have TWO to take care of.

There’s all these feelings and thoughts and more. But I know if I keep dwelling on them, I would only  start wondering if I need to wait for stars to align – been there, done that. Sometimes you just gotta take the plunge. I know we definitely would like a sibling for our little one. And as far as when… as we’ve already learned – it is whenever God says. So if it is meant to be now it is, and if not, then I will be glad we didn’t wait to start trying.

I am just very much hoping to find a very definitive answer on whether I can nurse during the cycle, since it is going to be a natural one…
I know I really want to be able to continue my life and especially DD’s schedule as normal, and that’s very important to me. I think the next few days while I wait for a definitive answer on that will play a key part on how I feel about this cycle.

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Entry filed under: 1, Day by Day, Emotions & Feelings.

And in another year… (Beginning a FET) I cancelled my own cycle…

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lut C.  |  February 4, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    A 50% chance with a FET?! Is that after thaw?
    I’ve heard considerably lower odds, but that was from 1 frozen embryo to take-home baby.

    I’m more in denial about the FET than you are. I’m sure the emotions will come later.

    Good luck!!!

    Reply
  • 2. Lut C.  |  February 11, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    I don’t seem to have your e-mail address, so I’ll have to respond here. Ours was a 3-day embie. Bygones. 😉
    You got cold feet? I’m sure you’re not the only one, though it’s the farthest on my mind right now. I’m sure you have your reasons, and as you said, the main thing is how you handle IF emotionally. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.

    Reply

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Expecting Number 2… :)

My TTC History

Started TTC May 2005
RE diagnosed as unexplained in Feb 06.
natural IUI #1 March 06 - BFP, m/c :(
natural IUI #2 May 06 - BFN
clomid IUI #3 July 06 - BFN
femara IUI #4 August 06 - BFN

Skipping suggested injectables,
moving to IVF
Bloodwork: Oct 12 for lupron
ER estimated 1st week of Nov

UPDATE:
25 eggs, 15 fertilized.
1 blast transferred, 6 frozen.
Precious baby Girl born in July 07.

After 2.5 years of Bliss since that BFP...

April 2009: Start of TTC #2.
(Going back for the embies I left)
Apr 15: Start of Natural FET cycle.
May 1: Transferred single blast
May 11: BFN :(
Straight to Natural FET #2
May 29: Transferred single blast
June 4: BFP!!!!
June 8: 1st beta - 177
June 10: 2nd beta - 506


UPDATE:
Healthy baby Boy born 2010!

Fast forward several years...

June 2013: Surprised with a completely natural and completely unplanned BFP!
January 2009
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