HELLO 10 years later! Ten years after IVF – Retrospect on IVF journey

October 13, 2016 at 12:05 pm 2 comments

I doubt any of my original readers see this blog anymore. But I am posting for sentimental reasons, because today just happeens to be 10 years exactly to the day since I started the IVF journey with that Lupron shot (and a total coincidence that I happened to check this blog exactly today, while thinking of the events from 10 years ago).

It is amazing to look back on life, once you have lived to see how your story unfolded.  I remember the single most difficult thing about my TTC journey, IVF and dealing with infertility was that BIG question of how will it all end and will I end up with the child(ren) I so desperately wanted. And NOTHING, absolutely nothing, not any crystal ball, not Google (was Google the giant back then that it is today? :D) nothing could just TELL me whether I will end up with kids or not – except time. And I just had to live it out and see the final answer. No short cuts. No magic predictions. All I had, was statistics and odds of this and that and what not, but nothing could tell me what was going to happen to ME.

I don’t know about most of you, but that was hard for me. Hard to have to WAIT. Wait for a result. Wait for an outcome. Want for a number. And that’s what IVF was – a waiting game where every day or week, you just focused on the next hurdle and whether you would pass though that door to face another door, or whether you would have it shut in your face with a game over.

Here’s what I can say, looking back 10 years later, for anyone out there who faces the journey, and the storm of the unknown today.

It will be OK.

Those who end up with kids and even those that don’t – all end up OK. The single most important thing in the world to you TODAY is not going to be the most important and forefront thing on your mind 10 years later. Regardless of the outcome.

For me today, I have a different set of problems, a different life, and am “almost” an entirely different person because of one more decade of life experience and the journeys I’m on today. But the one thing that hasn’t changed about me is that I’m sentimental 🙂 Here I am remembering my journey, very fondly actually, and re-reading my posts from 10 years ago, where one day at a time, my story was unfolding and every day was a cliff hanger as to what would happen next, and would I end up with that amazing and elusive BFP… and the most desirable and wondrous thing in the world – a baby.

The good thing about ten years later, is that now I can write in a sentence or a paragraph of how it all ended – vs having to wait one painful hour at a time to see where the chips will fall 10 years ago.

My story ended happily. I had that amazing BFP at the end of my cycle and my treasured prize of my miracle baby girl 9 months later. Today that sweet little baby is 9 years old.

Two and a half years later, I went back into the loop this time with frozen cycles and the second one ended with my son, my angelic baby, who is 6 today.

And finally the biggest and most ironic surprise of all… six and something years after that original IVF cycle, out of nowhere… I just got a BFP. So out of nowhere that I didn’t have a CLUE that I was pregnant, until familiar symptoms of fatigue just struck me in an OH EM… GEEE way. And just like that… I was on my way to having my totally surprise and unexpected THIRD child!!!

Ha.. one hears that story so often – I know I did. The surprise child after IVF cycles and all of that ordeal. And yet nothing prepares you for when it actually happens to you. Seriously, 10 years ago I had been a basket of tears, praying and trying to look for any straws of hope that I would eventually have kids. Today, I’m a busy mother of three. This is someone who at some point thought that we might never have kids. When people say they had a surprise baby, they are usually not people who went through IVF. When you go through IVF to have kids…. that surprise baby is really a SURPRISE baby.

And in fact it was funny… it was like I’d missed all that TTC part and betas and what not and was just fast forwarded to being pregnant??? “No fair” as kids say these days – it’s like I missed the start of the journey with my baby! 🙂 lol But talk about life’s ironic curve balls.

I have to say, even though I am now in the camp of those who live to tell how their stories panned out and I certainly cannot complain about how mine did, I look back very fondly at my journey even though at that actual time, it was a nerve wrecking TTC survival literally.

Now I am the voice of 10 years later, and wish the me of 10 years ago could hear me, read this post, and feel less worry.

Enjoy every part of your life – even when it looks like a tough part. Because it will be a unique moment you will look back on one day, with its share of special blessings that are too easy to miss when we are so caught of with worrying about the negative sides.

To anyone who is on that journey today, good luck… and enjoy every second of that magical ride.

 

 

 

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Entry filed under: My Story.

THE BIG NEWS resulting from the BIG NEWS :) (UPDATE…) A special day – Remembering this day 10 years ago when my girl and boy were conceived

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jivf  |  November 2, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Google is definitely not what it was 10 years ago! I was searching for a specific term online and found your link in the signature of an online message board.

    I’m glad to see that you had your happy ending. It gives the rest of us hope.

    Reply
  • 2. Jys  |  November 8, 2016 at 8:58 am

    Hello jivf. I’m glad this brings you hope. I cannot tell you how many “success stories” I had read when I was going through it myself and they seemed so amazing and elusive. Was that ever going to be me? Sometimes I had that negative belief and fear that it would never be me and that babies were something only other lucky people ended up with. When you battle wanting something so long, while watching everyone else attain it with seeming ease, its hard to imagine having it. I certainly never saw myself on this side of the fence and being the one to give retrospect. Some day you will be the one giving encouragement and hope to other women who will go through it after you. GOOD LUCK!

    Reply

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Expecting Number 2… :)

My TTC History

Started TTC May 2005
RE diagnosed as unexplained in Feb 06.
natural IUI #1 March 06 - BFP, m/c :(
natural IUI #2 May 06 - BFN
clomid IUI #3 July 06 - BFN
femara IUI #4 August 06 - BFN

Skipping suggested injectables,
moving to IVF
Bloodwork: Oct 12 for lupron
ER estimated 1st week of Nov

UPDATE:
25 eggs, 15 fertilized.
1 blast transferred, 6 frozen.
Precious baby Girl born in July 07.

After 2.5 years of Bliss since that BFP...

April 2009: Start of TTC #2.
(Going back for the embies I left)
Apr 15: Start of Natural FET cycle.
May 1: Transferred single blast
May 11: BFN :(
Straight to Natural FET #2
May 29: Transferred single blast
June 4: BFP!!!!
June 8: 1st beta - 177
June 10: 2nd beta - 506


UPDATE:
Healthy baby Boy born 2010!

Fast forward several years...

June 2013: Surprised with a completely natural and completely unplanned BFP!
October 2016
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