The return of the ironic fertility

The weekend before last I noticed something I had not seen in a loooooong time – ewcm. (Almost everyone who spent long enough ttc knows exactly what that is). And I thought… could this mean that my fertility is now returning after having had my baby and all these months of nursing. I figured well, I guess I will find out in two weeks if this gets followed up with AF. I didn’t need to wait that long. My long lost AF suddenly reunited with me out of the blue on Saturday. After well over a year (not counting childbirth of course) of being completely and blissfully AF-free.

It was somewhat bittersweet. Although I can’t complain after 5 months, when with my DD, it just took 2. For some reason, even after having a baby, I kind of hoped to not have anything that would even make me think about fertility for a while and just enjoy the moment – an AF-free life is really not that bad. But she’s back. And why do I have the feeling that she will be returning monthly again the way she always does.

I think sometimes about whether it is in the stars for me to have a third child someday and do this whole thing all over again. Sometimes I think its just something I tell myself “might” happen, but realistically it won’t. Other times, I tell myself that it is inevitable that i will yet do another FET someday. But for now, I just enjoyed my new DS and put those thoughts aside for as long as they would stay there. The return of AF, reminds me that one day, sooner or later I will  have to think about whether this is a journey I will once again embark on. I’ll guess we’ll see how life turns out. For now, I simply don’t know.