Trigger shot arrives, and emotions start brewing…

The last few days have been so busy with so much going on, and of course also thoughts about this cycle constantly in the background.

Today the trigger shot that I am supposed to take with me for my sonogram arrived on my doorstep. Its been so long since that time of shots and monitoring and cycling and in a way it is surreal that I am doing this again. It feels like an old dream and that its coming to life again but you still kind of don’t believe it. Especially when your hands are full with a little toddler running around now.

In many ways (at least so far) it is a lot easier and there is less anxiety. I don’t have much time to think about it and obsess over whether it will work or not. On  the other hand, it has its own challenges and different things to obsess about.

For one thing, DD is not totally weaned yet, although at this stage she totally could be. I had really wanted to let things happen naturally and have her wean whenever she is ready. I assumed that doing a natural cycle will mean I don’t have to wean. But now I can’t seem to find concrete information about whether the trigger shot is OK to have for breastfeeding. It seems logical that hcg is produced in volumes in a pregnant woman, and many nurse while pregnant, so surely it should be OK to take. Yet I keep hearing conflicting opinions on this and I just want there to be a clear answer cause my time sure is running out.

In a strange way, I am scared and ambient about going for number 2. But at the same time, I know I am as ready as I’ll ever be. I know if I don’t go for it now and delay (till whenever?) and then start having as many curve-balls and problems in conceiving number 2, then I will regret not having started earlier and be kicking myself about it. Especially since I should have known better after my first experience.

Our lab gives a 50% or higher chance with a FET. So I definitely have to be open to the fact that it might work and be ready just in case to have number 2. That’s why we are doing this after all, right?
On the other hand, I know that if it does not work, I’ll be very glad I started now and didn’t wait for all the stars to align, the way I tried to the first time.

I know many moms who are pregnant with number 2 and will (or already do) have an age gap much smaller than we will have should this cycle work. Yet, it still somehow feels scary to me to think about actually being pregnant with a second right now. It would be exciting and yet also I know I will be wondering how I will be able to actually have TWO to take care of.

There’s all these feelings and thoughts and more. But I know if I keep dwelling on them, I would only  start wondering if I need to wait for stars to align – been there, done that. Sometimes you just gotta take the plunge. I know we definitely would like a sibling for our little one. And as far as when… as we’ve already learned – it is whenever God says. So if it is meant to be now it is, and if not, then I will be glad we didn’t wait to start trying.

I am just very much hoping to find a very definitive answer on whether I can nurse during the cycle, since it is going to be a natural one…
I know I really want to be able to continue my life and especially DD’s schedule as normal, and that’s very important to me. I think the next few days while I wait for a definitive answer on that will play a key part on how I feel about this cycle.

And in another year… (Beginning a FET)

My goodness, has it been that long!!

I logged in today to make a long long long overdue post with an update, and the news that we have just decided to TTC #2. I was shocked to see that my previous entry was from a year ago.

What a lot of time to catch up on. I remember I had wanted to post on the day DD turned 1. I was filled with so much emotion, remembering my journey and the whole 1st year of having this precious new miracle in my life. But the day was of course so busy, as is my life these days. There is hardly a moment to spare.

Today, it is 6 months since that 1st birthday. Yes, DD is 18 months old. And a few days ago, DH and I decided to take the plunge and will be doing a FET this cycle. I am excited, nervous, and scared all at the same time. There is no right time, that is for sure. Planets and stars sure never align in life to make it a perfect time to go for a baby. But I learned a very long time ago, that even if they did, a baby doesn’t happen just when you want it to. As always it is just a chance. Just that for the first time, we are opening up an opportunity for this chance. And I am excited to go back for the embie we left behind.

We did not try by ourselves, because we want to go back for our frosties. We will be doing a natural cycle – no drugs – just the transfer and will see what happens. I go in for a sono on Feb 4th to evaluate the date and potential transfer date right now stands as Feb 11th. I cannot really believe it is happening. So many other things go on, on a daily basis, that it is surreal to think that we have actually set up to do this in just a few more days.

I will keep this blog updated as my surviving TTC number 2 now. I know it may be a very different journey, but I have no idea how things will pan out. I invite you to join me for the ride!