My sonogram today and a long overdue Update :)

Its me!

I’m still here and I’m almost 12 weeks pregnant today, and here for a long overdue post.
I know I kind of vanished, and part of that is because sometimes I feel a little torn. The blog has kind of been about TTC for women out there who are having a hard time to find someone else who goes through what they do and realize they are not alone and all of that and to hopefully read a success story to encourage them and give them new hope.  Once its final that I’m pregnant, would they want to come here and read about me gushing over pregnancy or worse, complaining about it? For this reason partly,  the first time around, I made few updates after the daily details of my cycle from start to finish. And pretty much came back again to start over once I was about to attack a FET.

Today though, I am here to say that pregnancy is a journey too. Its not like once that BFP happens you swallow that happily ever after pill and that’s the end of it all. In a way, its really only the beginning. The worries, ups and downs, highs and lows, continue and don’t ever stop really, for as long as you live.

So, I truly have meant to update sooner and share what’s been up lately in my life.
The good news is that so far so good – we just had our optional end of trimester screening today and saw the baby – doing really great, measuring 2 inches crown to rump, and 3 inches in height and with a healthy heartbeat of 173. We have decided not to find out what we are having so far, so it was in a way really hard to be in that moment and not to just jump and ask what the baby is, especially after the technician was done with her part and was leaving and I asked if it was too early to tell and she said that it usually is, but that she could see the gender today.  When we left I had thoughts about calling and asking them what it is after all, or asking them to put it in an envelope in case I’m DYING to find out tomorrow. But after a little while I was happy to still keep it a surprise. If we absolutely change our minds, there will be a more determining time at 16 weeks so its not like we won’t have another chance if we totally change our minds. But somehow right now, with 6 months to go, I think I can wait a while. It was afterall, such a special and unforgettable moment when DD was born and we found out she was a little girl for the first time. I can honestly say its worth the wait.

So so far, we dont know. Frankly I know that it is so early, that it would only be a guess at this point, and the doctor said so as well. More importantly he said that from everything he was looking at, and all the measurements he was taking, everything looked good and was measuring right on track. We would know our official results after the blood test, but so far so good.

A perk of having doing a FET – your age is frozen at the time of the baby’s conception. Mind boggling really, but for genetic screening tests like this, its great. Since risks go up with age, but with a FET, your embryo’s age counts at the age you were at the time of conception.

It was definitely a special day, and I have to say, I truly want to spend more time thinking and bonding with this new little child of mine growing in me. It is pretty hard with a toddler and terrible nausea. I have really had it bad. And I’m not even gonna talk about my weight. I didn’t want to gain any weight my first trimester, but have probably gained 10lbs so far 😦 I have a doctor’s appt next week and don’t want to weight myself.  Its all definitely had its hard parts to it. Nausea has been a lot worse than the first time, but thankfully has been a slight bit better these last few days.

I’m going to try to update more regularly. It is definitely very different than from the first time around. I think the first time, I had all the time to focus on the pregnancy and dream about this surreal baby I was going to have, while this time, I have had to spend a lot of time on my first little one, because she too is growing and developing daily and somehow the pregnancy seems to be just something that’s happening on the side and not the center of attention. That’s the best way to describe it. Combined with terrible nausea and overwhelming fatigue, its kind of hard!
I kind of feel like its all going to fly and I’m not gonna get to really realize it is happening. But that’s why I will gonna start updating more! 🙂