Day 9 – Fertile and abstaining…

This morning I noticed something that would usually put me into a frenzied state of “gotta act NOW!” – a.k.a fertile CM.
It is so strange to know that I am currently fertile and somewhere in there, there is an egg that is ripenning and ready to be fertilized and I am doing…. nothing. Its actually a little mind boggling.
But with my type of cycle, I am starting lupron on day 21 of this cycle as the first step of IVF, which means that we need to use protection this cycle to avoid conception.

Ha! That sounds funny now – use protection. I feel like I am my own walking birth control. Over the past 16 months I’ve done everything short of standing on my head (and maybe even that) to conceive. Skipping a fertile period now seems like such an awful waste…. but I am keeping my mind on the goal. I guess I could trade my 5% chance of conceiving naturally for the 66% chance to conceive next cycle any day.

Sigh still… there’s such a huge part of me that wants to impulsively just do it. It feels like some sort of last chance to go at it… for free.